Stresses of Married Life

All of us dream of our happily ever after. However, there is more to marriage than just a fairy tale wedding. Let’s face it! Everyone has problems in their married life, regardless of how trivial it may be. Some problems are a result of petty issues. Some are indescribably huge, which may even lead separation and broken marriages. Disagreements, arguments, and disputes are not the only things that are difficult to handle, but the aftermath of it could be more damaging to the relationship. Holding grudges, keeping things bottled up deep within our heart creates barrier greater than we realize.

So, why do we have problems in our married life? Why do we have stress related to it? Well, there are a multitude of reasons. To name a few:
a) Finances: Yes, money matters. Although it is said that money can’t buy happiness, mere lack of it most indefinitely causes stress. After marriage, managing the household becomes a couple thing (a family thing, to be more precise). Financial instability might cause frustration and dispute among couples.
b) Children: From child bearing to child rearing, this is something that brings joy to a couple’s life, but in turn may cause chaos between them too. Decisions are to be made at every step of the way. Things like when to start a family, how many kids to have, how to raise them, and even their education. We might not agree on everything thing that our spouse decides. Above mentioned things are superficial, but there are more serious issues, as well. Inability to conceive and health problems in a child are also issues that a couple might have to deal with.
c) Interpersonal relationships: When we get married, we don’t just get married to our partner. There is extra baggage as well. First of all, acceptance into a family matters a lot, not just to women, but to men as well. Whether we get along with the in-laws also matters. This applies to both men and women.
d) Health of our partner: It goes without saying that mental health is equally as important as physical heath. Health issues of one partner could be overlooked by the other. This very well could result in misunderstanding. Moreover, feeling of neglect could creep in.
e) Habit of our partner: Not talking about the general demeanor here, but rather the substance-taking habit. Substance use, abuse, and dependence might be the source of rift between the partners.
f) Intimacy issues: For most couples, everything is great initially. Then, gradually, the spark goes down, and they enter the most infamous roommate situation. This is where the marriage lacks passion and the couple just focuses on taking care of the household and the kids. In some instances, people are so caught up with their day-to-day life that they forget about one of the most important people in their life. Couples forget to take care of each other. And yes, this might be stressful.
g) Extra-marital involvement: Though a hush-hush thing, it’s more common than we think. Having emotional or physical involvement outside of marriage creates unwanted distance between the married couple. And, this definitely leads to problems in married life.

When we actually think of it, every problem has a solution. It is just that the solution might not always be to our liking. For instance, things could go terribly wrong and lead to nullification of marriage. This could come out as very strong and people might argue, how can separation/divorce be a solution? It can be considered as a solution to toxic, unhealthy, and unhappy marriage. However, it is worth trying save a marriage.

Acknowledging that we have a problem is the key to moving forward. Accept that the relationship is going through a rough time. Come out of denial. Only then we can walk on the path of rebuilding our relationship with each other. It is easier said than done; nevertheless, we can follow simple tips and tricks to help run our married life smoothly.
a) Stop the comparison: In a world that revolves around social media, it’s very difficult not to compare our own life with other couples. It’s difficult not to compare our partner with others. But remember, the grass is always greener on the other side and pictures don’t always tell the truth. Let’s forget about the social media pictures. We can’t really rely on them! We can’t even really tell if a couple is NOT having a problem just by looking at them smiling and holding hands in public. It is repetitive, but every couple has a problem regardless of how trivial it may be. So, do not compare yourselves or each other to others, because comparison leads to more problems.
b) Communicate: Communication is the way to go. If we don’t express how we feel, we might be misunderstood. When we stop communicating with our partners, they will never quite know what’s bothering us. Reaching a solution will be far away from our grip. How we communicate things also matters. Discuss things in a proper way. That is when both the partners are cool and calm minded. Amidst a heated argument, no one is going to listen.
c) Divide the responsibilities: Help each other do the household work. Help each other look after the kids. Help each other with the finances. Dividing the responsibilities takes a whole lot of burden off.
d) Spend time together: Take time out even in between the hectic work schedule to spend quality time with each other. Kids can be taken care of for the weekend by grandparents. We have to learn to make our relationship a priority. This helps deepen the connection that we have.
e) Spend time apart: It is important to spend time apart, as well. Occasionally, we need time alone. It helps us relax and get our mind off things. This gives us time to reflect on our relationship. At times, we need time to enjoy with friends. While we are out with our friends, our partner can watch the kids for us. Later on, we can do the same for them.
f) Respect each other: Most importantly, respect each other as a human being, and respect each other’s decisions. Talk it through if it is felt that correct decisions aren’t being made.

After all, we are human, we have flaws. Acceptance is a virtue. If we don’t agree with our spouses, learn to agree that we disagree. Be the one to relieve the stress and help each other grow along the way.

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