Medicosnext
Words By Shubhanga Pyakurel
“Healthy parenting involves creating a nurturing and supportive environment that promotes a child’s physical, emotional, and psychological well-being.”
“Parenting is not just a responsibility; it’s a profound privilege. It’s a journey of love, learning, and growth, both for the child and the parent.”
“To truly embrace healthy parenting, we must appreciate the uniqueness of each child, their passions, and their individuality. It’s about fostering resilience, independence, and empathy while instilling values and boundaries.”
Parenting is one of the aspects of human life that plays a crucial role in shaping individuals and societies. Parenting is the process of raising and caring for offspring. It involves providing physical, emotional, and psychological support to the children as they grow and develop. Child development may comprise of series of changes in biological, emotional, psychological and social aspects of an individual and parents assure the healthy transition which should be age, gender and culture appropriate. Parenting includes teaching values and social norms, setting boundaries, and helping children acquire essential life skills. This definition, however, can vary significantly based on cultural, social, and individual factors. Different parenting styles and approaches exist, each influenced by factors like cultural norms, personal beliefs, and socioeconomic backgrounds.
In this article, we will explore the definition of parenting, its positive and negative aspects, and the challenges that parents commonly face. Many theories omit the domains of child psychology where overlaps in above mentioned aspects might be found. Even in mainstream psychology we sometimes fail to acknowledge that understanding development requires looking beyond simplistic categories of parenting and its impact on child psychology. Although parenting can be generalized in some ways but it is rather a unique process to raise a child. A 58 year old father of two Mr Panta said that, “I believe I have given my best to raise my daughters, I gave all I could and so does any other responsible father”. This statement sounds familiar but we do not live in a perfect society where this is evident. From the children’s account there seems un-satisfaction or they are quick to address areas of improvements where their parents lacked. A 23 year final year college student reported that her parents are very strict and she could not go abroad for studies after high school and now they are pressuring her to get married immediately after graduation. She agrees that her parents are doing this for her best interest but she also said she wished her parents could be more understanding of her interests and ambitions.
Child Development and Parenting
Childhood is a distinct stage in the human lifecycle and almost all children undergo recognisable patterns of physical and psychological development and growth. Psychologists argue that cultures do not distinguish between children and adults on a general level, people usually recognise a child even if they do not try to analyse or articulate what the category childhood means. Lee (2001, Lee, N.2001, Childhood and society: Growing up in an age of uncertainty) argues that in a post-modern world, both children and adults experience lives that are changeable and unstable, ‘fundamentally dependent and incomplete’, and that differentiating between being and becoming, whether psychological or sociological, makes little sense. This point statement agrees with developmental psychology itself, which has long taken a lifespan approach and believes that not just children but also adults experience on-going change over time. Even the parents are learning and adopting and as a result we may also see parents adopting two distinct approaches to raise two different children. This is more transparent among certain communities in Nepal where more attention, quality education as well as social and economic freedom is provided to a male child in comparison to a daughter. A child is susceptible to any or all the changes he or she may encounter while growing. For instance, from about 5 years, children gain the cognitive capacity to view their abilities realistically and start to compare them with others; this cognitive gain can bring losses in its realization, as they also lose a former sense of their own capacity and become susceptible to negative feelings about themselves. At this stage parents may have the role to normalize, generalize and prioritize concerns of their children and failing to address these needs may bring friction in the relationship.
In an open survey among girls in two colleges in Kathmandu it was found that none of them responded to talk about their emotional, physical or psychological needs with their parents, they admitted that they do not feel comfortable to talk even with their mother about certain issues. Most of the respondents argued that silent treatment is what they get when they make some mistake. Although it was found that uniformly parents are strict on setting some social, family or personal boundaries; many Nepali parents differ on understanding and supporting child’s aspiration to pursuit their passion and ambition. In the survey it was revealed that common rules for girls in Nepali society included prohibiting night outs with friends, smoking, drinking or dressing inappropriately. Among these restrictions staying out may be permitted in special a circumstance which is flexibility in our cultural definition. Family norms and culture may be a bigger influencer than we believe, all the female respondents shared that their parents may be equally strict and controlling even if they were in some western countries instead.
Parenting Missteps
Parents themselves may not be unaware of the missteps they might have adapted while raising children but children are more unforgiving in this regard. Parenting missteps are common challenges that parents may encounter during their journey of raising children. These missteps can vary in nature and impact, but they provide valuable opportunities for growth and learning. Miscommunication between parents and children can lead to misunderstandings and strained relationships. The misstep may involve not allowing children to take age-appropriate risks or make decisions on their own. Modern parents in our society exhibit these traits. The shift may be due to the results of modern parent’s choice to raise a single child and thus behave more protective and correct every decision of child. This may result in child developing separation anxiety, avoidant or dependent personality. Inconsistent discipline can confuse children about what is expected of them. It occurs when rules and consequences are not applied consistently. Neglecting a child’s emotional needs or dismissing their feelings can lead to emotional scars. This can result from not acknowledging a child’s emotions or providing emotional support when needed.
Comparing one child to another, especially siblings, can lead to feelings of inadequacy and rivalry which can harm a child’s self-esteem and self-worth. Failing to spend quality time with your child due to work or other commitments can strain the parent-child relationship. It can lead to feelings of neglect and detachment. Setting excessively high expectations for a child’s academic, extracurricular, or behavioural performance can create immense pressure which can result in stress and anxiety for the child. Not addressing a child’s mental health needs or dismissing their struggles can have long-lasting consequences. There can be negligence to seek professional help when necessary. Parents who neglect their own well-being and self-care can suffer from burnout and exhaustion. This can affect the parent’s ability to provide adequate support to their children.
Talking about the misconduct, the most common factor among career criminals and psychopaths across the world is that they often felt uncared, unwanted, unheard and abused by parents.
Healthy Parenting
Healthy parenting involves creating a nurturing and supportive environment that promotes a child’s physical, emotional, and psychological well-being. Good parents express love and affection for their children regardless of their behaviour. Children need to feel secure and feel loved. Open and honest communication is vital. Parents should listen to their children, express themselves clearly, and encourage their children to share their thoughts and feelings. Parents should establish clear and age-appropriate boundaries for their children. These boundaries provide structure and help children understand limits. Discipline is an essential part of parenting, but it should be consistent and fair. Parents should explain consequences and enforce them without resorting to harsh punishment. Providing emotional support is crucial. Healthy parents validate their child’s emotions, offer comfort during difficult times, and teach emotional intelligence.
Healthy parenting recognizes and respects each child’s unique personality, interests, and talents. They encourage children to develop their own identities. Spending quality time together is important. Healthy parenting is engaging in activities, play, and conversations that strengthen their bond with their children. Parents should model the behaviour they want to see in their children. These parents exhibit positive qualities and values they want their children to adopt. Great parents gradually give their children opportunities to make decisions and take on responsibilities appropriate for their age. This fosters independence and self-confidence.
Supportive parents help children face challenges and setbacks, helping them develop resilience and problem-solving skills. Parents should teach empathy and compassion by demonstrating kindness and encouraging their children to understand and consider the feelings of others. Creating a safe and secure home environment is crucial for a child’s well-being. Caring parents prioritize safety and address any concerns promptly. In cases of two-parent households, healthy co-parenting involves collaboration, shared responsibilities, and effective communication between parents. Although there are restrictions, most of the youth believe their parents are still conservative but exhibit flexibility in certain aspects due to urbanization and environment around them. Of course there is duality and most youth believe their parent and parenting style might not change due to environmental factors, it being rooted with our culture.
Challenges in Parenting
Parents often experience sleep deprivation due to the demands of caring for an infant. This can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion. Many parents struggle to balance their careers with their responsibilities at home, leading to stress and feelings of guilt. Setting appropriate boundaries and disciplining children can be challenging. Striking the right balance between being too permissive and too strict can be difficult. Adolescence can be a tumultuous time, marked by rebellion and clashes between parents and teenagers. Communication breakdowns can occur. Raising children is expensive, and financial stress can strain family relationships. Providing for children’s needs can be a constant worry.
Mainstream developmental studies often fall short in comprehending the intricacies of parenting and its psychological implications. To attain a more comprehensive grasp of this intricate subject, the need for a large-scale, cross-cultural investigation becomes evident. Such an inquiry should aim to unearth universally applicable parental characteristics and their reverberations within the unique social fabric of Nepali society. It is worth noting that the psychological aspects of child development should not be underestimated. Renowned developmental psychologists such as Miller and Sahni underscore that a child’s development is not only influenced by, but in fact, must be comprehended within its sociocultural context, transcending geographical boundaries.
As a psychologist, it is my fervent belief that a progressive and scientifically-informed parenting approach should be embraced. However, it is equally crucial to honor the cultural values, respect social norms, and account for individual personality variations. By doing so, we can create a nurturing environment that optimally fosters a child’s holistic growth and development.
Conclusion
Parent’s social status, economic condition, personality, culture, social-comparison, ego, globalization, personality factors of children and many more factors affect parenting. Supporting a child’s passion and curiosity is vital. Good parenting is to encourage learning, provide resources, and engage in their child’s physical, social, emotional and intellectual development. Ensuring a child’s physical health by providing proper nutrition, exercise, and regular healthcare check-ups is a fundamental aspect of parenting. Socializing may be vague but proper schooling, encouraging public presence should be done. While boundaries are essential, parents should also recognize the importance of flexibility. Parents should adapt to their child’s changing needs and circumstances. Failing to effectively communicate with child is a common parenting misstep. This is also one of the common errors we find among conservative Nepali parents. We do not openly communicate with children and it’s also not promoted. Topic like mental health, sex education, emotional and physical needs are considered taboo and children are discouraged to openly discuss these topics. Being overly protective can hinder a child’s ability to develop independence and resilience. It is evident that teenagers usually struggle to have a healthy relation with parents but effective communication and resilience will always bring the best result and foster relation eventually. Parents should know when and why to approach professional help. Every child is unique and parents are responsible to recognize special traits and help them progress throughout the journey called life.
In our ever-changing world, where cultural norms evolve and societies transform, parenting remains an anchor. It’s a journey of continuous adaptation, where open communication, flexibility, and recognition of a child’s evolving needs play a pivotal role. As we raise the next generation, let us embrace the wisdom of healthy parenting and strive to create nurturing environments where our children can thrive physically, emotionally, and psychologically. In conclusion, parenting is not just a responsibility; it’s a profound privilege. It’s a journey of love, learning, and growth, both for the child and the parent. Let us embark on this journey with open hearts and minds, always seeking to understand and support the unique individuals our children are becoming.
