Words by Shraddha Adhikari

Break the silence on Violence Against Women – empower through open conversations, mental health, and storytelling.

It was one of the vibrant days of this very new year 2024 and I was on my balcony thinking how fast time passes, it has already been 23 years since I got into this beautiful world.

One of my neighbors, Kopila aunt , just passed by my home waving me bye on the way to her office. She was one of the most successful women in our community and every other young girl like me looked up to her as she was known to be the most empowered woman. Do you guys believe the women of today’s generations are mostly empowered like Kopila aunt? Sorry, but I believe it to be an illusion rather than a reality. YES, I do believe women of our generation are much more empowered as compared to those of past generations. We can see leading female entrepreneurs, doctors, actors, and lawmakers who are in the decision-making position and also in the parliament. But these are only a few things displayed in front of us meanwhile reality hits harder.

It’s time to prioritize mental health, open conversations, and storytelling to end Violence Against Women.

I often hear people telling me we don’t need women’s empowerment these days while working as a GBV( Gender-Based Violence) Activist. I agree with them because, at the surface level, it is the truth. While working in the same field I have seen many known empowered women facing violence in their homes, workplaces, and public areas but not speaking about it only because of the fear of the society which has tagged them to be an empowered woman. That is why, I want to talk a little about ‘Violence against Women’ today. So, are you guys ready to dive into deeper insights?

 

Gender-Based Violence

GBV(Gender-Based Violence), is any violent act committed either by a woman against a man or by a man against a woman, and also violence that occurs among the LGBTQs or simply any harmful action done by one gender against another. But as per our Nepalese law, the definition of GBV itself is mentioned as ‘a violent action committed by any male against any female’, which is completely wrong. And we hope it will be corrected soon. ‘Violence against women’ is a form of GBV but not the whole GBV.

Forms of GBV

1) Violence against women

2) Violence against men

3) Intimate Partner Violence

4) Sexual harassment and assault

5) Domestic Violence

6) Psychological and emotional abuse

7) Financial and economic abuse

8) Rape

9) Child Marriage

10)Online and Digital violence, etc.

Beyond illusions, let’s raise our voice against Violence Against Women – prioritize mental health and embrace the power of storytelling.

Present Global Situation

According to the WHO, Violence Against Women- particularly intimate partner violence and sexual violence is a major public health problem. According to a study done across 161 countries, globally about 1 in 30 women have been subjected to either physical and sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime. About 27% of women aged 15-49 years have been the victim of intimate partner abuse worldwide. In Nepal, the situation is similar or even worse. Being a developing country, there are still many places where girls’ education is restricted, child marriage exists, and the cultural practice of dominating women is still very true which has restricted women’s empowerment. Although in urban areas, women are working in highly professional jobs, they are equally prone to violence by their intimate partners and family members.

 

  What we see is not always the truth!!!

 

Women by nature are very empathetic beings and are very much attached to their family members and loved ones that they forget whether they are treated well or not.

If we look at the situation of my neighbor, Kopila aunt, the scenario is exactly similar, she was known to be an empowered and highly successful woman outside her home but inside her home, she had been abused by her husband and in-laws for years. But she hasn’t uttered a word about that kind of behaviour shown by family members publicly because she said she belonged to a very well-respected family in the community and she cannot let her internal problems tarnish their family image. Instead, she resorted to taking anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medicines to heal herself. She also mentioned that once she even tried to kill herself because she couldn’t handle those sufferings.

 

After explaining that we were working to combat GBV and promote the mental well-being of our community, Kopila aunt opened up to me and unfolded everything that had happened. Then, we decided to visit her home just as a medical student for the Blood Pressure screening program when everyone was home and to learn about the family’s condition. And what happened there kept us in shock, we collected the information that her husband is a doctor, and her in-laws are both high school teachers. As we entered their home and gave our introduction, they welcomed us very nicely with a coffee. We all, including Kopila aunt, had very sweet talks, we measured their BP and returned. Everything seemed very normal so we couldn’t trust Kopila aunt for once,

For the next few days, we didn’t notice Kopila aunt in our community so we thought she may have gone to her mother’s home.

 

After a week, we heard the news that Kopila aunt is no more in this world and her family members stated that she committed suicide. We were heartbroken, and we felt guilty for not helping her out when it was still possible. We knew the truth but the very good behaviour of her family members toward the outsiders made us doubt her. She was dying and we couldn’t even take notice. Not only Kopila aunt but possibly every other woman in our communities is facing some kind of hidden violence today. So, Is today’s empowerment real or just an illusion?

Prevention

To solve any problem, we need to know where exactly the problem exists. That is why spreading awareness and making people OPEN UP about their stories should be prioritized. The  POWER OF STORYTELLING  holds a significant role in preventing any kind of violence and promoting mental health in our community. Real empowerment happens only when the concept of EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE is introduced in women.

True empowerment demands breaking the silence on Violence Against Women – speak up, support mental health, and share stories.

Why did I start working as a GBV Activist?

 

As a child, I was a very shy, introverted and studious girl. While growing up I was taught to be a good girl i.e., SANSKARI  by being soft, shy and tolerant because it is what our culture believes women should be which made my teenage life miserable. Till that date, I had a belief that every other girl has a similar life so, I somehow managed to tolerate it. After completing high school, exactly 5.5 years ago, my real struggle started. I wanted to be a medical doctor which is why I started preparing for it. Still, due to an unsupportive family who believes only a son can bear responsibilities. In contrast, daughters are born only to reproduce, my dream of someday becoming a medical doctor remained a dream. I had to fight against my family to pursue my career and by doing so I continued preparing for it.

 

As the news of violence and crime was everywhere on the media at the time of lockdown, I too became the victim of sexual abuse, perpetrator being one of my own family members. I was heartbroken and I couldn’t speak about this for months. As this wasn’t the first time I got into such things, I tried to normalize it. I had faced such kind of sexual violence multiple times(5/6) at my school, by my neighbour and my relative, and also on a public bus which I never spoke about.I was afraid to talk about those things as I had a very conservative family who would blame me for being a female rather than punish a perpetrator so, I kept it hidden.

 

By this time I was already struggling with my mental health and was taking counselling classes online as that was the time of lockdown. But my threshold was crossed and for the first time in 10 years, I opened up about everything to my family. How and by whom I got sexually harassed for the first time at the age of 9 to the every-repeated stories of abuse till that day. And the same thing as I had imagined happened, they blamed me for being a girl and the perpetrator himself was free. This incident was told to be kept as a family secret as this would lower my family image.

 

                       

                             Was it my mistake to be born as a girl child??????

 

I couldn’t take this all, I had multiple mental breakdowns. Now, I was the only one who could rescue me from all so, I started researching GBV and started sharing my stories through Clubhouse. Slowly I began to share my stories with others too and they also started sharing similar stories. Within a month I got bundled up with such incidents of violence, I met many people who had gone through such abuse and violence but they were afraid to talk about this publicly.

 

That is why I thought I should be the one who should be raising my voice against this and be the voice for the voiceless. Then, I took the initiative to combat GBV and promote the Mental Health of the people by establishing a non-profit organization HOV(Hear Our Voices) Nepal. Also, to broaden the horizon of my knowledge on GBV, and to build networking with like minded individuals, I worked as an SRHR Champion. And now we are working to raise voices against any kind of violence by spreading awareness, promoting Mental Health and prioritizing storytelling by collaborating with various other youth organizations through HOV Nepal. 

 

Let us join hands to raise our collective voice against VAW. It’s time to dismantle the illusion of empowerment and address the hidden realities that persist. By fostering open conversations, promoting mental health, and prioritizing the power of storytelling, we can contribute to a world where women are truly empowered, safe, and free from the shackles of violence. Together, we can break the silence and pave the way for a future where every woman’s voice is heard, respected, and valued.

Join hands to end Violence Against Women – prioritize mental health, open conversations, and let storytelling be the catalyst for change.