Medicosnext
Words by Ojaswee Karki
The first ever question Oncologists receive with a new cancer diagnosis has always
been
How long will I survive?
I was overwhelmed, shocked, and devastated. Nobody in my family ever
had cancer, which made my diagnosis more difficult to handle.
After a final PET scan, I was told I had become cancer-free. I felt like a winner that
day. My entire family, and relatives, we all had won. This felt like a rebirth, a new
life.
Cancer is a challenging journey. It is life-changing, I believe it is an experience
that never truly leaves you. Getting a renewed life made me realize life is sweet.
The first ever question Oncologists receive with a new cancer diagnosis
has always been “How long will I survive?” The answer is neither easy
for the patient party to listen to nor for the doctor to reply. The response
depends upon the patient's underlying health, the aggressiveness of the
cancer, the stage of the disease at the time of diagnosis, and the available
treatment choices.
Now I believe it’s not just these but the willpower to wage a war against
the disease and the motivation to survive. I survived cancer not once but
twice. I’m a fighter and this is my story. The journey wasn’t like
treading on a path with roses laid on rather the ones with thorns. My
family has been the biggest support system and my motivation to
survive. Now we have found a purpose in sharing our experience and
giving back to others, if not direct support, some motivation, and more
hope.
I was in my thirties, doing apparently well until I noticed a lump on my
torso. The very next day I was at my general physician’s clinic. He sent
me for several blood tests, a PET scan, and a biopsy of the lump was
done. The next few days were a hell of a ride, I didn’t speak to anybody,
my appetite remained no more and my self-diagnosis had begun, which I
now consider a very dangerous thing to do. But the lump had taken away
my sleep, my happiness, literally everything.
If the days before the diagnosis were this tough, you can already imagine
how my days after the diagnosis were to pass. You guessed it right,
those days were even worse. I’d consider them to be the worst in my life
to date. A week later my doctor called us and let us know I had been
diagnosed with Leiomyosarcoma. The doctor also mentioned it was a
rare type of cancer of smooth muscle tissue. I was overwhelmed,
shocked, and totally devasted. Nobody in my family ever had cancer,
which made my diagnosis more difficult to handle, my physical pain
was much less compared to the emotional turmoil I and my family were
undergoing. All I could think of were my kids and my husband. I
couldn’t imagine them living their lives without me. This became my
motivation, I promised myself to stay strong and fight cancer not just for
me but for my family.
With the diagnosis came other important messages from the doctors,
uncountable referrals, tests and a lot of information. It was difficult to
focus when I was so worried about dying already, I would only hear half
the things, I couldn’t process anything I was being told. I had become
really weak that is when my husband became my strength and decided to
take me to BP Cancer Hospital, Chitwan for treatment and I am thankful
to my kids who at such a young age let me go, took care of themselves
and never let me worry about our home.
After few appointments, my treatment began. First I underwent radiation
sessions, then surgery and finally chemotherapy. After around 2 weeks
of chemotherapy, my hair began to fall. Soon I became bald, had no
eyebrows, I had never imagined myself in this state, looking in the
mirror had become a horror for me, I felt like looking at a stranger. I
never liked people pitying me, so we got a wig, to hide my bald head.
Every person is different and has different ways to embrace their life and
I was fortunate enough to find my comfort my way. My hair loss
journey was tough but my family didn’t let me shed tears, my relatives
were by my side and my colleagues were understanding too. It was
simply incredible to come across so much humanity during my darkest
time.
After a final PET scan, I was told I had become cancer-free. I felt like a
winner that day. My entire family, and relatives, we all had won. This
felt like a rebirth, a new life. The constant threat of death, the shearing
pain in my heart, the haze in my mind all had cleared, I was more alive
than I’d ever been. There is life before, during, and after cancer. And I
learned to handle things in my life that I had no control over and started
dealing and dwelling differently.
For 3 years I got my PET scan done every 6 months. Everything went
well until one scan showed nodules in both my lungs. They were too
small to be operated on and even biopsy had become a challenge. Finally
after 3 months the nodules showed an increase in size and a biopsy was
attempted which diagnosed me with Lung Cancer, this time it was Stage
4. It wasn’t of pulmonary origin but rather a metastasis of my previous
case. The previous cancer of mine had spread in the lung and remained
undetected for this long. We were grief-stricken again. I felt like my
body had betrayed me. I was confused, bewildered, like it was all a bad
dream, unreal, a mistake in the diagnosis. It seemed unfair.
I had lost hope this time. But thanks to my pillars of strength my family.
I was surrounded by an army of people with positive attitude, my mum,
sisters, and relatives. I found comfort in them. A positive attitude is like
springs in a bike. Though springs don’t change the bumps in the road but
they make the road journey smooth. Similarly, their optimism filled me
with life. I gathered my strength because I still had a long battle to fight.
And I knew I wasn’t alone in what I was going through. The things that
were happening to me were common to other cancer fighters too–
lethargy, myalgia, anorexia, black nails, palatal changes, insomnia,
bloating, everything was different yet similar too. We were learning how
to live with the uncertainty and we were in this together.
A wonderful team of doctors treated me and decided I had to undergo
VATS (video-assisted thoracoscopic surgery). Thanks to the almighty,
the surgery was successful. After 6 cycles of chemotherapy and a final
PET scan, doctors declared I was cancer-free again and this time forever.
Cancer is a challenging journey. It is life-changing, but it’s definitely not
one’s entire life, I believe it is an experience that never truly leaves you.
Getting a renewed life made me realize life is sweet. Had I never had the
taste of this bitterness I wouldn’t have learned to live life to the fullest. It
made me ponder upon the remorselessness of time. Now I think the
point of surviving is to enjoy your life and help others in need. I want to
create a world where cancer patients don’t have to choose between
survival and quality of life. I survived you can too.
I want others to know that there is always hope until the last breath and
they are not alone, we are in this together, and there is another patient
just like you. There are treatments, surgical procedures, and research is
ongoing. It’s happening. Furthermore, the fact that there are people
who’ve devoted their lives to the pursuit of cancer cure, should tell us
that hope should never die. Sometimes holding on to hope is a test of our
faith in God. And we know miracles happen by God’s grace.
